I was lucky enough to get paired with a faculty member that I’ve known for a few semesters. Though it can be nerve wracking, I think the most important thing to remember about working with a faculty member is that you’re essentially a team. As fellows, we’re in a unique position to not only be a support for the students in the classroom, but we can also help support our mentors as well. There’s always going to be good days and days that are hard and frustrating, and you can help your mentor by being accommodating and offering to help in different ways, either by being more of a presence in the class itself or by offering to take on more office hours. I think the biggest piece of advise to future fellows is to remember that your faculty mentors rely on you as much as you rely on them. This isn’t a regular professor/student relationship, which is really refreshing at times, but can be intimidating at first. Just remember that you can talk to your mentor and be honest with things that are/aren’t working. It’s also important to recognize that your mentors aren’t just working in one classroom, but multiple, so whatever you can do to help make their jobs easier can mean a lot. This includes being prepared for meetings, being engaged in the classroom, and setting an example for students. Don’t be afraid to ask for clarification about why a professor is assigning something or why they teach in a certain way, because the more you know and understand about a mentor, the more you can help your students when they want to know what their professor’s expectations are. Most importantly, I think my advice for future fellows is to not underestimate how much they can do for their mentors/students.
Author: Alex (Page 8 of 21)
The description in chapters 4 and 5 really caught my attention. Specifically, in chapter 4, I also saw examples of Gaiman’s pacing, which is similar to some of the revisions I need to do in my work. At the beginning of chapter 4, the narrator and Lettie hunt for the spirit, but Lettie needs to find specific objects to lead them to it. The first object is a blue flower, which Gaiman describes within about two-three sentences. Each object after this is given one identifier (i.e., “something red”), and then a short, one sentence description of what it is. While I’m not sure I can be this brief in my own writing, it did make me think of the delicate balance between advancing the plot and taking time for description. Gaiman understands the importance of these objects, but feels as though a short, one sentence description of them would tell the reader all the information they’d need to know, which is true. We don’t need to have three sentences about how the blood of a vole is red, we just need to know that the red that they were looking for was from a vole. I also liked how Gaiman gives us a guide through this chapter, unlike the previous chapters. In the prior chapters, our narrator was simply recalling what had happened and gave us some context as to the events that were happening. In chapter 4, Lettie takes the narrator by the hand and leads us through. We have very little context as to what is happening, yet Lettie takes us by the hand and guides us through the chapter as well as some brief, yet important information. Chapter 5, on the other hand, really focuses on description, just see how Gaiman describes the process of pulling out the worm. Yuck. It’s a short chapter, only three pages, yet it’s an intimate moment with the narrator. As he says on page 47, “worms were just something that happened to people”. This quote reminds us that he is just a child, despite the circumstances. It may not seem like an important chapter, but the ending brings up a point about self-identity, which seems to be a major theme within the novel so far.
I think some of the biggest revisions I can make with the second set of pages would be on pacing and character. When it comes to character, I need to revise some aspects of Abel’s dialogue/inner monologue just to make sure it fits, but I also need to heighten the tension between Abel and his parents. One way is to develop Abel’s competency/incompetency when it comes to working at the escape room or just being an adult in general. I should also revise the ending of the scene on page 6, just so Abel has a more immediate consequence to his actions (or rather, Caim’s actions). The clean up scene between Calliope and Abel slows the story down, so I need to make sure that the plot keeps moving. It needs to be compacted, but I’m still trying to figure out how to move the story along without sacrificing Calliope’s role within the story. I also just need to get to the library quicker, as it tends to linger on smaller, insignificant details. It seems like these pages have a good idea of where they’re going, but they just need to be refined in smaller, more details ways.
Short Story 1
What is it?
This is the story of a girl coming to terms with doing the unthinkable to save the things she loves (AKA: The Trolley Problem for Ants)
Likes:
I really liked the voice in your story along with the perspective you chose to tell it in. Having an eight-year old as the central/only perspective really heightens the intensity and the stakes for this story. If the main character were an adult, the audience would see that maybe sacrificing a few ants wouldn’t be that big of a deal, but Argyle’s age really puts us in her shoes. I also like how much characterization you do, mainly by showing us her priorities when it comes to a stressful situation. One of the biggest things I liked was how you gave us an insight into her motivations, i.e., the backstory you give us. It’s a plausible and realistic explanation as to why Argyle cares about ants so much.
Questions/Suggestions:
I don’t have much in the way of questions/suggestions, but the ones I have are centered around Argyle’s family life/gender identity. I’ll start with the latter. I really love the trans representation within this story, not only because it adds to Argyle’s character, but it helps set a precedent that trans characters deserve to be main characters as well. I do wonder though how relevant bringing up Argyle’s identity is to the story. Right now, it feels like you just dropped in the fact that Argyle was trans and that it essentially helped caused her parents divorce, but then you go right back to the main plot. Again, I think it enriches the story, but I think you need to expand upon how that identity and how her family life is important to the situation Argyle is in at that moment. I don’t have a good suggestion to give you in regards to this, but I really think that you can make it work! Perhaps you could introduce the mom to us, or end with a scene where Argyle opens up to her mom about what she just went through. Whatever you decide to do, I think it’ll be great!
Rebirth
What is it?
This is the story of truly becoming yourself while not fearing the consequences.
Likes:
I really enjoyed the poetic feel of your story. While you had moments of description, I felt like everything was just described briefly in order to give the reader the feel of being in a dream, just like the narrator. It felt as though I was in a haze while reading the dream sequence. I also enjoyed the descriptions of the narrator’s skin peeling away. It wasn’t grotesque, but I felt as though you described it in a way that brought beauty to the act of dying.
Questions/Suggestions:
I think my biggest suggestion would be to ground your audience in reality a little more. The more you ground your audience, the more they can appreciate the dream-like/supernatural/fantasy motifs within the narrative. I personally struggle with this, but I think that if you can get your readers to truly understand just how soul-sucking the narrator’s real life is, then you can increase the impact of how the narrator feels within the dream sequence.
Short Story 1
What is it?
This is the story of the Sun, the Moon, and their star-crossed love.
Likes:
There’s so much that I love about this story. You have so many beautiful lines, one that sticks out is on page 1, “Those minutes every day let them bask in the beauty of the mortal world shrouded in a blanket woven with golden rays and silver beams”. You also take the time to describe the setting along with the human versions of Sun and Moon, which I think was done really well. Overall, the whole thing reads like an epic poem or fairytale, akin to something that would be orally passed down for generations.
Questions/Suggestions:
I don’t have much in the way of suggestions, but I did think that the introduction to Hamish was a bit rushed. He literally pulls and pushes a terrified Moon into his tavern. I feel like Moon would be really wary of him, especially since he is kind of forceful to her when they first meet, despite his intentions. Maybe consider fleshing this meeting out a bit more. I know you have 11 pages already, but I think it would be beneficial to your story if you can find a way to fit in some more dialogue or even an additional scene/moment between Sun and Moon. Overall, fantastic job!
Short Story 2
What is it?
This is the story of unconditional love
Likes:
I really really enjoyed this story! It was sweet and heartbreaking and wonderful! Personally, I enjoyed the voice. You make Billy’s narration fluid and concrete, something that I feel is hard to do, especially when the story is set in a different time period (I’m assuming closer to WWII?). I also really enjoyed the little twist with Edith and Violet. It was small enough, but it really highlighted Billy’s priorities and just how head over heels he was for Violet. It wasn’t a “perfect” love story, but life is messy and I love how you reflected that within your story. I also think that you tied the beginning and the end of your story together well! The diagnosis scene and the scene prior to that just broke my heart, but it was handled beautifully.
Questions/Suggestions:
I think my only suggestion would be to show hints of Violet’s diagnosis earlier. I would also recommend giving a little more narration to why Billy was so drawn towards Violet. I feel like the reader only got that “Violet was pretty” and Billy liked her. Personally, I’d enjoy a little more reasoning behind it, but honestly that’s a decision for you. Either way, I think this story was really well done!
Short Story 1
What is it?
This is the story of two friends navigating their feelings for one another while a major obstacle keeps them apart.
Likes:
I liked the amount of characterization you managed to do within a short amount of time. The way you introduced Maddie and Bella helped show their personalities and their priorities, with Maddie doing the dishes and Bella avoiding homework/responsibilities. You also created a good tension when Lincoln wasn’t answering his phone.
Questions/Suggestions:
I wonder about your motivation to make Angela an ‘antagonist’. If you want to make her the reason that Lincoln and Flo can’t be together, then that’s fine, but I think it would add more tension to have Angela in a few scenes so the readers can make their own judgements about her character. It also feels like Flo’s inner feelings/monologue is a little repetitive. I think that if you can condense some of her feelings, you might have room to put in a scene that expands upon the relationship between Lincoln, Flo, and maybe even Angela.
Short Story 2
What is it?
This is the story of hope prevailing in the darkest of times.
Likes:
I thought your voice/point of view was really well done! Barrie’s internal thoughts and the way she describes her pain felt natural and fluid. You also have a lot of lovely lines of prose that I really enjoyed (one was on page 1 “That’s what cancer did to moms, it made them worry, made them shells of the moms we once knew”). While the subject material was grim and upsetting, I think the way you included moments of color and fun, and kids being kids, was really beautiful.
Questions/Suggestions:
I think my biggest question was just how old the characters were. I’m not sure if I missed it, but it’s implied that they’re children since they’re in the pediatrics unit. I think I only questioned this because of Delilah’s line on page six, “You better be ready for me to kick your ass, Barrie”. Not that kids can’t swear, but it just took me out a little just because I had imagined Barrie/Delilah as younger (around 10/11). My other suggestion, and this might sound a little harsh, was about the death scene. It took me out when Barrie was “allowed” to stay in the room. Realistically, wouldn’t they do everything they could to get her out of the room? Other than that, great job!
I haven’t had many sessions with students yet, so I’ll try to discuss some things I’ve noticed during classes. While I’m in class, students discuss the readings/journals they’ve done for homework. During this time, the professor asks many questions about the reading, along with some questions that were posed by the students themselves. It seems like one of their biggest reading strategies focuses on group discussions and questions. They’re still quiet in large-scale discussions, but I’ve noticed that when the students are broken into small groups, they do discuss the readings with great detail and add on to each others’ thoughts. I’m not quite sure about their individual strategies, but it seems like most of the students understand the readings. Personally, I tend to do what I call a “cold read” of a text first, and then, after a few hours (or maybe a day), I read the text over again. The second time I read a text, I annotate parts that, at a second glance, seem important or fundamental for the rest of the text. When it comes to reading and drafting, I don’t really have an answer for them. The only student I had that spoke to me in depth about their draft simply said that they had it in their head before they put it on paper. Most of the other students said that they were confident in their drafts, or hadn’t started them yet, so I haven’t had a student bring me any drafts. Reading and drafting, for me, really depends on the assignment. Typically, I go through the text I’d be writing about and annotate it, highlighting important things, making notes about whether I agree or disagree, and writing down questions I might have about the text. When I draft, I take the notes/annotations and put them into a bulleted list based on a paragraph structure. This is pretty much how I’ve always drafted my essays, and it really works for me. I’m interested in the summary strategy, so I might try that out if I ever get a chance to work on a longer essay with a student, especially if it’s an assignment based on a reading. I think summaries help a lot of students, myself included, especially if it’s a scientific essay or a really in-depth academic essay. I think the Behrens and Rosen break summary on page 108 would be a good place to start experimenting. I also would like to try the SQ3R method, though I feel like this method might take a little longer to put into practice and to get used to. I haven’t really experienced any of the examples on page 109, but I probably have acted in those manners in the past. I remember helping a friend with an essay and she was getting so frustrated with understanding the meaning of what she was supposed to write about that I just ended up telling her what to keep and what to take out. It’s definitely hard to avoid that sometimes, but I hope that some of the strategies I’ve learned helps me avoid those situations. This isn’t to say that I haven’t been able to help someone create their own meanings from texts or that I’ve tried a little too hard to push my interpretation on someone, but in my experience as a writing fellow so far, I haven’t had any moments like that.
Short Story 1
What is it?
This is the story of two people dealing with the aftermath of an accident.
Likes:
I like how distinct the voices are between your two main characters. Visually, I also like how you had two different fonts. I’m not sure if you intended this, but giving your male character a comic sans font, and then revealing that he was only putting up a brave face, feels really symbolic for me, though it probably is just a coincidence. You also don’t follow the “standard” form of a short story, instead relying on narration rather than description and dialogue to carry your story.
Questions/Suggestions:
One of my biggest suggestions is a pretty small fix. I would’ve really liked to have known their names. These narratives are incredibly personal and vulnerable, considering the circumstance, yet the readers never get the chance to know their names. I really recommend revealing them at some point. I also wonder about how your male character is. He constantly says that he puts up a brave face, but we don’t see until the end that he isn’t okay. We get a glimpse of his nightmares, but maybe you could expand upon that a little more. Does the crashing of a broken dish startle him? What about the squeal of tires as a car brakes? There’s a lot of potential to reveal to the reader about just how much the accident is affecting him. I would also expand on the relationship between your characters, as it does feel a little flat in some areas.
5 Days
What is it?
This is the story of finding camaraderie within loneliness
Likes:
I enjoyed the perspective you decided to tell this story in. I think that this story could technically work with a third person pov, but first person really makes the narrative more intimate and relatable. Going off that, Bree’s voice is distinct yet relatable enough to where I was going, “Wait, this is literally my whole freshman year”. It also helps that Bree adds some humor into some situations (an example on page 2 “I’M A FRESHMAN” comes to mind). The genuine friendship that develops between Bree, Harrison, and Carmen is refreshing compared to other depressing college narratives.
Questions/Suggestions:
I think my biggest concern with this story surrounds Harrison. I felt like he was a little too in-tune with Bree. Observant or not, he gives off a creepy vibe that most people would be turned off to if they met him in person. I don’t think this was the intention, but if it was, then you’ll need to heighten Harrison’s creep factor throughout the story. I was also a little confused by the addition of Carmen. I liked how you had Bree meet other important people in Harrison’s life, but the way that you describe Carmen and Bree’s relationship makes me feel like they’d have more of a connection than Bree and Harrison. If you want Bree and Harrison’s friendship to be the focal point of this story, then you’ll need to add in more moments/points of connection between them. Consider how they story would be different if Carmen was the one who bumped into Bree in the dining hall.
