Short Story 1

What is it?

This is the story of a girl coming to terms with doing the unthinkable to save the things she loves (AKA: The Trolley Problem for Ants)

Likes:

I really liked the voice in your story along with the perspective you chose to tell it in. Having an eight-year old as the central/only perspective really heightens the intensity and the stakes for this story. If the main character were an adult, the audience would see that maybe sacrificing a few ants wouldn’t be that big of a deal, but Argyle’s age really puts us in her shoes. I also like how much characterization you do, mainly by showing us her priorities when it comes to a stressful situation. One of the biggest things I liked was how you gave us an insight into her motivations, i.e., the backstory you give us. It’s a plausible and realistic explanation as to why Argyle cares about ants so much.

Questions/Suggestions:

I don’t have much in the way of questions/suggestions, but the ones I have are centered around Argyle’s family life/gender identity. I’ll start with the latter. I really love the trans representation within this story, not only because it adds to Argyle’s character, but it helps set a precedent that trans characters deserve to be main characters as well. I do wonder though how relevant bringing up Argyle’s identity is to the story. Right now, it feels like you just dropped in the fact that Argyle was trans and that it essentially helped caused her parents divorce, but then you go right back to the main plot. Again, I think it enriches the story, but I think you need to expand upon how that identity and how her family life is important to the situation Argyle is in at that moment. I don’t have a good suggestion to give you in regards to this, but I really think that you can make it work! Perhaps you could introduce the mom to us, or end with a scene where Argyle opens up to her mom about what she just went through. Whatever you decide to do, I think it’ll be great!

Rebirth

What is it?

This is the story of truly becoming yourself while not fearing the consequences.

Likes:

I really enjoyed the poetic feel of your story. While you had moments of description, I felt like everything was just described briefly in order to give the reader the feel of being in a dream, just like the narrator. It felt as though I was in a haze while reading the dream sequence. I also enjoyed the descriptions of the narrator’s skin peeling away. It wasn’t grotesque, but I felt as though you described it in a way that brought beauty to the act of dying.

Questions/Suggestions:

I think my biggest suggestion would be to ground your audience in reality a little more. The more you ground your audience, the more they can appreciate the dream-like/supernatural/fantasy motifs within the narrative. I personally struggle with this, but I think that if you can get your readers to truly understand just how soul-sucking the narrator’s real life is, then you can increase the impact of how the narrator feels within the dream sequence.