Category: Short Story (Page 1 of 3)

This is the story of an old prizefighter who has a deadly encounter with a young city-slicker. This was such a fun story to read, and you managed to convey so much in such a short page count. Like Luke said, this story fits incredibly well into the short story form. There’s a lot I like about this. The dialogue between all the characters is so unique and distinct, I really love how it shows off their personalities. Even a side-character such as Maccready is fully fleshed out. This story left me with so many questions (in a good way) about the Reaper and his motivations. I would love to see this as a novel or serial series, but I’d hate for the charm of your short story to be taken away by lengthening it. In the way of suggestions, I have to say that I don’t really have anything. This is a clean work, but maybe you could describe the surrounding environment a little more? Add some details about the bar or even the murder site. I do have some questions about the Reaper. If he knew that the kid wasn’t a big threat, why did he have to kill him? If he wants to be left alone, why did he feel the need to kill a member of a very powerful family that had international ties? I also wish we got a sense of how your main character became the Reaper. Maybe you could discuss this in a scene where the Reaper reveals himself to Koning? Overall, this is such a great story and you did a wonderful job!

This is the story of a girl who is completely forgotten by everyone in her life. As we’ve seen in both your last story and this one, you have a talent for keeping tension and unease throughout your narratives. Overall, the pacing was nice, though there were some spots that felt a bit slow. It was also a great detail to add the lake from the beginning to the end. It acts as a catalyst for the events of being forgotten. I also liked your decision to write this story in a first-person point of view. I think it really adds to the uneasiness and tension of your character. Just a few questions/suggestions: The scene with the police officer needs some reworking. Even if they do dismiss her at the end, I don’t think the officer would immediately assume that she’s a prankster. Even if the officer were certain that there wasn’t anyone with her name, wouldn’t the police want to keep her for more questions or even to see if she needed medical attention? I think if you lean more into the ideal that most people genuinely want to help, it may lead your story in a more interesting direction. I was also a little confused about the ending and Liam. What is Liam’s motive in the story? Does he know that he met Mia in the coma? Did he somehow have the ability to wipe everyone’s memory? In a way, Liam comes across as an antagonist in this, though I don’t think that’s your intention. I would suggest considering what role you want Liam to play and how his dynamic contrasts or compares to Mia’s motive. Overall, I really loved your narrative and I think you have a lot of room to work with without losing the core part of your story!

There is no possible way to truly encapsulate everything that “Twinkie Boy” is. It is a story of survival, of hope lost, and of hope found. Beyond all that, this is a story that is just downright strange in all the best ways. I think we’ve all tried hard to really stick to more hardcore and serious topics while writing our stories, so reading “Twinkie Boy” was really refreshing because you just throw seriousness to the wind and go for it. This was a fun world to be thrown into and turning Hostess into a “cryptid”-like thing post-apocalypse was definitely the right move. I never really felt bogged down by the realism of the situation. Of course the main character couldn’t possibly survive on twinkies alone, but in YOUR story, he does. I think people forget that while yes, some fiction does benefit from realism, not all stories have to follow the rules. Your story is a great example of what happens when you break realism and essentially say “Fuck it”. I loved the story and the plot was definitely one that I wanted to see through. If anything, I was more confused by Mr. Smith’s name change. Why the name Hussein? It just seems very random. The only reasoning I can see is with the meaning of the name, which is “good, small handsome one”, which can be used in an ironic sense as Hussein is a goblin-esq. creature. I also wish the reader could’ve gotten a glimpse into the adventures of your main character and Hussein. I could really see it go towards a “Don Quixote” direction. Overall, great job!

This is the story of a woman caught in the middle of a robbery and a man willing to do whatever it takes for his daughter. I really enjoyed this story, especially your characterization. Claire’s motives never feel unrealistic. She’s a woman who seems to have really prepared herself mentally for a date, only for her planning to go to waste. I feel like most people would say that focusing on a ‘little’ thing like that during a robbery is unrealistic, but I’d disagree. I think, especially in a jarring situation like that, someone would really think about how their day is going to shit. Along with characters, I really enjoyed Sean’s character. At first, he has this hard/crime-boss persona, but once his plot develops, he is actually very family motivated and calm. I did like the dual stories of Claire and Sean, but (moving into the realm of critiques) I wonder how their stories really intertwine. Your characters inhabit the same space but don’t interact or have any similar motivations. Because of this, I was personally more attached to Sean’s story than Claire. I think the core of your story lies in Sean’s desperation and the struggle of him coming to terms that he’s done something wrong. The scene between Sean and the cop was really well written and I would’ve liked to see more of it. Maybe you can intertwine Claire and Sean’s stories by having Claire be a bigger part of the robbery-maybe as a hostage held at gun-point. The dynamic between smaller problems like dating versus a larger problem like saving a dying daughter would be really interesting to explore. Other than that, I liked your story and think you did a wonderful job!

This is the story about a group of superheroes that turn out to be less than super. First, regarding your comment at the beginning of the story, I’m really glad that you had the confidence to try something out of your comfort zone! It’s hard to write something that isn’t exactly your style and harder still to share it with others, so kudos to you. There are a lot of things that I liked about your story, mainly Unknown’s voice. The cynicism and sarcasm that Unknown brought to the story was refreshing, especially in terms of superhero genres. Most of the time, everyone is so in awe of heroes that they overlook their flaws, but Unknown gives us a nitty-gritty perspective. She straight up tells us that these guys are too flashy and basically have little care about what happens to regular people. I also liked how your world was fleshed out through differing superhero “departments”. It was a fun reversal of superheroes working together all the time. The Guardians of Defense seemed to be more down to earth and critical of the Denver Defenders, and it made me laugh to hear that they all called Magnificent the flying brick. These little details and points of contention really make your world feel alive. The plot twist at the end was also really cool. I didn’t think that the mayor was really in on the conspiracy to expose the Defenders. Little twists like this are so powerful in short stories, especially since we have limited time. A few suggestions: Throughout the story, Unknown is incredibly critical and almost mean to the Defenders, yet she shows soft spots for them. I feel like we need a scene of connection between her and the other heroes, because it just feels like her change of heart comes from nowhere. I hate to say this, but I also feel like your story suffers from one too many characters. I like the idea of the Defenders being this tight-knit group, but between them all, I feel like your reader isn’t able to fully connect with any of them because you’re trying to balance the amount of time each character has within the narrative. Maybe if Unknown worked with only one or two of them, the reader could see a greater connection between them, which could explain her change of heart at the end. I was also interested in who the villain was. What were their motivations? Why did they want to expose the Defenders so badly? Why did the mayor even agree to stage a kidnapping with the villain? There’s so many questions I have (that don’t necessarily need to be answered), but maybe if you fleshed out the motivation behind the villain, the reader could fill in some of the mysteries that you intentionally left. Overall, I really enjoyed your story and I thought you did a great job, despite this genre being out of your comfort zone!

This is the story of a man who has survived four long years of winter only to fight one more battle before spring. I’ve only read one of your stories before, but it’s really cool to see you take on a sci-fi genre! The world felt really developed and the concept of elongated seasons is intriguing. There isn’t much in the way of dialogue in your story, which honestly makes the whole piece feel like it’s a few pages from a journal. I also enjoyed your descriptions of the beasts, especially when you didn’t give them a name. It’s almost refreshing for characters to be so disgusted with other creatures that they aren’t worth being named. I feel like that also puts a sense of dread and mystery around them, as your description focuses primarily on their predator-like morphology. You don’t make them feel like they have anything remotely alive or human in them. The whole premise of having most of the colony go to sleep is actually really heartbreaking and I felt so bad for the main character. This leads me to a few suggestions: I would’ve liked a little interaction between him and his wife, just because there are some places where your piece feels very lore-heavy. You don’t have to use dialogue to split these long paragraphs up, but maybe a quick description of what his wife looks like or what she does might work would be good! I also would have liked some reasoning as to why the people stay there. Do they not have the technology to leave the planet? Are there resources there that they need? I think adding some motivations for your society as a whole would flesh out your world a little more. Overall, you did a great job and I really enjoyed this story!

This is the story of a college student who starts his last year while at his lowest point. Chance encounters with two other students bring his life back around. I enjoyed this story! The overall message of friendships and connection were really sweet and it was something that I was definitely able to relate to. Your voice is something that you did very well with, in this story and your last one. It takes a while for writers to develop their own personal style of voice, but it seems like you have a good sense of what you want your stories to sound like. You also do very well with writing in first person. Your stories, especially in this one, rely particularly on the thoughts and feelings of your main character, which give it the feeling of a coming of age story. The first paragraph of your story also implies that your main character is on the verge of a burnout, which I feel is pretty common in college students. The little details that you sprinkle in through thoughts, feelings, and dialogue help make your story come to life in the best ways. A few suggestions: I understand that you want to make the professor a relatable teacher and mentor to Derek, but I feel like the relationship was a bit rushed. I don’t think a lot of professors would be thrilled to see a student trying to pick up girls in their class, but that’s just me. I really enjoyed the dynamic between Derek and Marcus, but I think it would be better for them to start as friends before the story. That way, you aren’t bogged down by an introduction of the two, which gives you more room to explore their relationship and dynamics. I would have liked to see the date between Derek and Anna play out, but at the same time, I liked how you ended your story with the lyrics and the uncertainty of how the relationship was going to play out. Last thing I would suggest is discussing Derek’s feelings in the beginning. Dedicating a whole paragraph to how desperate and lonely he feels is pretty important, but I feel like we lose those feelings throughout the story. While friends and connections with people help, I want to know why Derek’s connections with Marcus, Anna, and Camilla brought him back from his dark, pessimistic feelings. Overall, great job!

This is the story of a young woman realizing that her father may not be the hero she though he was. I love the description and the voice of your story! Everything is really vivid, yet its subdued in a way to make the forest seem more like an unmapped area. You also had great pacing, as I felt that the story didn’t move too fast or slow, especially during tense moments. I really appreciated the thought that you obviously took when crafting your characters. Alyssa felt fleshed out and her backstory was explained really well. Alyssa’s relationship with her father was nice, but I wish we could’ve had more dialogue between them. I have a few questions/suggestions. You mention that the Service hired her, but what exactly does she do? Why is the service targeted by her father’s militia? While I love the beginning of the story, I feel like the plot/tension really begins when she meets with her ‘uncles’. It’s a little unsatisfying to not get answers about what these men are doing at Alyssa’s job. I think a good way to sum up the suggestions would be to this: Flesh out the motivations of Alyssa and the militia.

This is the story about a war veteran who has trouble readjusting to life and finds a gibbon to be the source of his problems. Your story is really unique and your readers can tell that you put a lot of time into researching the time period. I also like the idea of the duality of nature and violence that you tackle with Frank and Huckleberry. Your characters feel fleshed out, though I think one criticism may be how you handled Frank’s mental decline. I felt pretty detached from Frank and his motivations throughout the story, but I think that this could be fixed through a change in perspective. Maybe if you put the story into first person, the reader could get a better insight into Frank’s thoughts and a better understanding of why he feels this massive fixation on the gibbon. It also feels like there is a lot of filler, especially with the couples at the park. I feel like this takes away from the relationship between Frank and Huckleberry. I do agree with a few others who’ve mentioned this, but I feel like it’s a bit unrealistic for the zookeepers to not notice Frank’s obsession with Huckleberry.