“Hyde’s animalistic and unnatural qualities contribute to his rejection
from society.” (McCrystal,4)
Author: Alex (Page 17 of 21)
This is the story of an FBI agent who turns to his family to solve his final case. The plot of this story is, to me at least, heartwarming. It reminds me of characters and stories that always give their final valiant effort for the greater good or of someone who gives their last ‘hurrah’ before they leave forever. I liked the unique perspective of an elderly character realizing that he’s going to a retirement home and being unable to fully adjust. I feel like modern stories don’t focus on elderly characters as much as they should, so your perspective was very refreshing. I also like the dynamic between his daughter and grandson. It reminds me of old adventure movies made for kids where you have an old, wise mentor figure and then the young, plucky adventurer. Your characters have a timeless feel to them that I think you should experiment with more. Some suggestions: First off, I think that you focus a little too much on exposition rather than putting the readers into the action. The phrase “show don’t tell” comes to mind, but I think you can keep the expositional tone while also giving us moments of action. I would have loved to have a description of the car ride between the grandfather and Brady, or maybe a description of the grandfather’s retirement home. These little details will make the world come to life so much more. Also, small nit-picky thing. One of your characters says “howdy” at one point, and as much as I like to talk about how terrible Ohio is, people don’t talk like that, especially in a city with a bank. I cannot stand for this Ohio slander. Last suggestion is to flesh out your ending a little more. I understand that you’re pressed for pages, but this ending feels so abrupt and like I’m missing a valuable part of the narrative. Overall, you’ve got a great plot going and you have loveable and dynamic characters that just need a little more development!
This story is about a man who tries to do his best to raise his son while also navigating an intense grief over the loss of his wife. Overall, your story had a wonderful and distinct voice that really represented just how hopeless and the depressed your main character felt. I also liked how you broke the story up over the span of a few days to show not only how the main character’s routine is monotonous, but also to show just how the dad disrupts that routine to do what is best for his son. There are many small details of the character’s grief that make it feel real, such as dissociating and messing up small tasks. It truly feels like everything the character tries to do just doesn’t go right. Even when he does succeed, there’s a sense of fragility in the small victories, like he is expecting the worst because he’s already hit rock bottom. Moving onto suggestions, while I think the inner monologue of grief is great, there are places where you can ease up on the blanket grief statements. The audience knows that he’s sad and depressed, so you don’t need to have your main character talk about his grief over and over. Maybe consider showing some aspects of his grief more, such as zoning out or even lashing out at his boss. I also wish that maybe there was a moment where there was tension between father and son. Kevin, although he’s 8, has to have some sense of his mom being gone, and that has to be hard on him. We don’t get any of that though, and it genuinely seems like Kevin is perfectly fine. The audience needs *Drama*, so consider fleshing out Kevin to be more than just a motivation for your main character. Other than that, I think you did a wonderful job!
Quotation: “The most racking pangs succeeded: a grinding in the bones, deadly nausea, and a horror of the spirit that cannot be exceeded at the hour of birth or death. Then these agonies began swiftly to subside, and I came to myself as if out of a great sickness. There was something strange in my sensations, something indescribably sweet. I felt younger, lighter, happier in body; within I was conscious of a heady recklessness, a current of disordered sensual images running like a millrace in my fancy, a solution of the bonds of obligation, an unknown but innocent freedom of the soul. I knew myself, at the first breath of this new life, to be more wicked, tenfold more wicked, sold a slave to my original evil and the thought, in that moment, braced and delighted me like wine.” (Stevenson, Chapter 10)
Comment/Connection: This passage is taken from chapter ten during one of Jekyll’s transformations. Jekyll describes how he felt as he turns into Hyde, specifically how he felt the burdens of morality lift from his shoulders. This narration, personally, makes me think that Hyde isn’t a different person as much as the novel insinuates he is. Jekyll, I feel, almost creates Hyde as a scapegoat to justify his newfound feelings of immorality. Hyde represents Jekyll’s innermost desires to go against the social order and morals. Jekyll realizes that he can’t act immorally as himself because he still fears social rejection, which brings about the “creation” of Hyde. Hyde is Jekyll’s outlet to act in the way he truly wants to.
Questions: I wonder how the story would be affected if Hyde wasn’t introduced as part of an experiment. What would happen if Hyde was kept as a secret until close to the end of the book?
This is the story about a woman battling a physical and metaphorical demon. I really don’t know where to start with this endo comment (Not in a bad way, I promise!!). I love the thriller/horror vibe you have, but you don’t rely heavily on gore or “jumpscare” scenes. The anticipation and tension you build within the story reminds me of how Stephen King creates tension surrounding small details within his works. Whether you like King or not, the point is that you take this traumatic event and focus on building up a suffocating sense of dread within the reader. I’ve never been great at writing tense scenes, so in a craft sense I was really impressed! I also enjoyed how you described the monster. There are explicit details, like the eyeballs and the arms, but you do leave room for the reader to fill in missing details. It’s hard to describe monsters without making them feel cheesy, but you do this in a way that reminds me of cryptid/biblically correct angels (if you haven’t seen the biblically accurate angels, please look them up they’re so terrifying but I feel like you’d enjoy that). Sometimes in stories it can be monotonous to have small details like walking up and down steps or describing small movements, but you use these small details to increase your tension. I also really enjoy your voice. It reminds me of a “Puritan” type of character, yet we, as readers, know that this story is set later than that time period. It’s a nice touch of bringing seemingly outdated values and times into a “present” while exploring your character’s internal struggle with her overly toxic feminine values and her true core values. Moving onto suggestions, there were a few moments within the narrative that I felt were “fluffy”. I mean this in the sense that some of your paragraphs in the beginning feel a bit wordy and almost poetic (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing), but it did bring me out of the immersive world you built. Other than that, you did a fantastic job and I don’t really think you have a lot to change.
This is the story of a woman’s hubris and the recognition of her impending insanity by both herself and her crew. I liked how you pursued a fantasy-type story, even though fantasy short stories can be incredibly difficult to write. I think you did a wonderful job with your worldbuilding. You give the reader enough of the “real” world for your story to have a sense of realism while also maintaining your fantasy elements. I enjoyed your steampunk inspiration, though I wish we got a little more of that description within the narrative. I’m a sucker for sea-faring stories and adventures, so I genuinely enjoyed this story, especially since it gives off a “Moby Dick” vibe. I thought you did a great job developing the captain’s (Alina) motivations for hunting the serpent and I liked how you first told the story to the reader as a “fable” from one of the crewmates. It gives a sense of wonder and fantasy to Alina, though we are also disconnected from her. Moving onto suggestions, I think that you can improve your story in terms of development. While I like the different perspectives, I feel like you keep your characters separated. You have a line near the end of the story that insinuates that Alina and Kieran have unspoken thoughts and feelings towards each other, but I feel as though there is very little development in terms of the relationship they have. The relationship between Pace and Alina is done better, but I wish that there was just more characterization. Your piece is incredibly character-driven and believe me when I say that your readers want to know just as much about them as you already do. Despite some development on relationships, there’s a few spots that you may want to go into greater depth, but I’ve marked these spaces on the hard copy I’m going to give you, so keep a look out. Overall, well done on your story!
Prompt: Write a project summary
Response: The Grow Native Initiative is focused on educating the public on invasive and non-native plant species. As part of this initiative, the York Ready for Climate Action organization will be hosting a series of community-focused events. Our educational outreach program will consist of monthly pamphlets that will be sent to participating households. These pamphlets will include information about invasive/non-native plants that are common in the York area as well as some low cost, eco-friendly options pertaining to garden care and upkeep. Tips will also be included in these pamphlets, such as which plants individuals can plant to help the environment and a list of plants to keep away from. Information will also be posted on the official York Ready for Climate Action website in order to make information regarding invasive and non-native plants as accessible as possible for the community. The community events that will be hosted by our organization will vary from gardening workshops to local business markets. The goal of each event is to bring the community together in a meaningful way, whether that is by supporting local businesses or meeting like-minded people with a passion for environmental conservation. We hope to make these events free to the public, with the only expenses going towards local vendors and businesses. The YRFCA will also be active within these events through educational booths, compost sites, recycling areas, and EcoHome sign up information.
This clip is from David Hasselhoff’s tour of the musical Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. This song specifically is a “duet” between Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde as they argue over who is the “true” version of Jekyll/Hyde. I picked this video clip to include into my commonplace book not only because Hasselhoff puts his entire soul and Hasselhussy into this performance, but because I think it speaks to how the themes of duality and inner monstrosity are adaptable into many artistic forms. This piece also shows how timeless the story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is, from the duality of nature to the true definition of what is good and what is evil.
This story is about a young person figuring out their identity in the midst of an abusive and emotionally immature mother. One of the aspects I enjoyed about this story is your use of dialogue between the main character, Aleia, and their mother. While there are tender moments (like the apologies), there are many other instances of tension between the two that never really fades away because of their relationship. I also like how you showed that Aleia is around a teenager-age through their attitude, clothing, and their thoughts. It made Aleia truly feel like a real person with a range of emotions and thoughts. I also enjoyed the fact that you didn’t shy away from a tough subject, as many LGBTQ+ individuals struggle with this exact scenario. In this sense, I think the majority of your story is realistic. I did have some questions about the meaning of the demons and what exactly their inclusion added to the story. I could be missing something, but I felt it like the demons were a physical manifestation of Aleia’s own self-destructive thoughts. Regardless of how you approach this situation, I think the story would benefit from developing a more intimate relationship between Aleia and their demons. A little suggestion would also be to italicize words you want to exaggerate instead of reverting between capitalizations within words. Personally, this aspect took me out of the story, even though I understood what you were trying to accomplish with this style. Overall, I enjoy your voice and the dark theme you’ve chosen. This is a very solid piece with room to grow!
