This story is a dark twist on “Alice in Wonderland”, in which Alice traverses a hostile environment only to find a devastating truth. There were many things I liked about this story, but the biggest aspect I liked was the description. There are many points within the “wonderland” scenes that are described beautifully, ranging from bright and popping colors to terrifying beasts and rabbits. Each description makes me feel like I’ve been trapped in my own psychedelic realm. The other great part of this story is Alice’s own thoughts and voice. There is little interaction or dialogue within the first part of the story, so the reader can only know Alice through her words, thoughts, and actions. We, as readers, learn so much about Alice’s personality through her thoughts, specifically about her thoughtfulness and her young adult mindset. It’s a subtle detail and a wonderful way to get to know a character without using dialogue or outright stating details. I have a few suggestions though. First, while I understand that the wonderland aspect of the story is supposed to be strange and out of the ordinary, there were a few parts in the narrative in which I felt lost. It would have been nice to explore this strange land with Alice without some of the quick transitions. Another thing I suggest is to explore Alice’s motivations. She does a few things, especially in wonderland, that I felt confused about. She approaches the Queen, though it is implied that she knows her already, along with her violent attitude. There are also a few moments where I feel like Alice becomes passive, and the readers don’t get to hear what she thinks of wonderland. Overall, the writing of this story is wonderful!
Author: Alex (Page 16 of 21)
Consider the 2 samples of Evaluation Components in a grant proposal, in the link and in our reader on p. 63. Besides the length differences, how would you describe the differences? Is one seemingly missing information? Is there too much in the other? Explain in detail: 250 words.
Each sample focused on the overall components of writing evaluations. These components included quantitative vs qualitative evaluation, internal vs. external evaluation methods, and a general overview of what the evaluation section should contain. I felt that the online article put an emphasis on methods, but lacked information regarding why an organization would focus on internal or external evaluation or even quantitative/qualitative methods. The reading on page 63 however included an in-depth description about each method and why one would use them. The section in the book felt more fleshed out than the online article. It gave a lot of information including the motivations behind each component. While the book section was a lot more thorough, the checklist on the article as well as the section regarding the integration of the evaluation within other parts of your grant proposal were helpful to me. I agree with Bethany’s statement that if I were to read only the book, I would miss out on information about integrating evaluations within the other sections of the grant proposal.
This is the story of a woman who is girlbossing her way into getting the justice she deserves. It’s a very dark story, one that definitely doesn’t shy away from hard topics and graphic descriptions, but I think that your story benefits from how honest it is. Your dialogue felt natural and the sense of anger and hostility was present throughout the narrative. While your story doesn’t shy away, it doesn’t get too in-depth of the harder topics, which is great. I feel like a lot of stories can get bogged down by over the top scenes and truly graphic descriptions, but you balance your characters’ emotions and actions with a toned-down description. I loved your ending, especially the 911 line. I think it adds some mystery about what happens to your characters. Will Essie turn herself in? Will she just report the body? Did Gunner actually die? It’s a nice to see a character who truly deserves justice, but the author just barely teases the conclusion of it. Suggestion-wise, I don’t think I have a whole lot to say. I would like more background on Essie. I feel like I understood her motivation for wanting justice, but at the same time, there are moments where I don’t quite get why she takes the actions she takes. Why not report to the police first? She says that killing would essentially be a mercy to him, but only really stabs him twice. This is going to be hypocritical, but being stabbed twice doesn’t seem like a “true” punishment that Essie would want to inflict (don’t get me wrong, I’d totally cry and pass out if I were stabbed). In shorter words, Essie seems like a truly rage-filled person with good reason, but she tends to show a lot of restraint despite being in front of her rapist. Overall, you’ve written a great story!
This is the story of a girl coping with her disability by escaping into a fantasy world where everything is just right. First off, you’ve done such a great job with the emotion in this story. Gracie feels like a typical teenage girl who wants to live a “normal” life. It was heartbreaking to hear her thoughts, especially the internalized ableism that she seems to have. Gracie’s voice and thoughts are clear and I feel that these components are the core of your story. I also feel like Gracie is a relatable character despite her disability. Many teenagers feel out of place in high school and want to be seen, which is exactly how Gracie feels in her situation. I loved how you made a character who can be universally relatable while also maintaining her individuality and unique circumstances. Another aspect of your story that I liked was your descriptions. I know it seems like a very general comment, but I really did feel like I could picture Gracie’s room and family. The contrast in descriptions from your “reality” and “fiction” sections was clear and well done, and I really appreciated how you used these descriptions to further the narrative. Some suggestions: I understand that Gracie’s internal ableism is a key point within the narrative, but it also feels like it holds her back. With a character-driven story, I (as a reader) want to see how the character changes. Maybe if you added a teacher or friend that helps/pushes Gracie to see that her disability doesn’t make her any less capable/beautiful/worthy, it may flesh out your story a bit more. I also felt like Gracie’s disability is a little ambiguous, which is fine, but I think if you took a small section to talk about some of the things Gracie can’t physically do it would help the reader understand her internalized ableism more. Overall, you’ve done a great job and you should be really proud of the story you’ve written!
“He shuddered, and for a moment he regretted that he had not told Basil the true reason why he had wished to hide the picture away. Basil would have helped him to resist Lord Henry’s influence, and the still more poisonous influences that came from his own temperament. The love that he bore him — for it was really love — had nothing in it that was not noble and intellectual. It was not that mere physical admiration of beauty that is born of the senses and that dies when the senses tire. It was such love as Michelangelo had known, and Montaigne, and Winckelmann, and Shakespeare himself. Yes, Basil could have saved him. But it was too late now. The past could always be annihilated. Regret, denial, or forgetfulness could do that. But the future was inevitable. There were passions in him that would find their terrible outlet, dreams that would make the shadow of their evil real.” (Wilde, Chapter 10).
“In this century it is such a great affection of an elder for a younger man as there was between David and Jonathan, such as Plato made the very basis of his philosophy, and such as you find in the sonnets of Michelangelo and Shakespeare. It is that deep, spiritual affection that is as pure as it is perfect. It dictates and pervades great works of art like those of Shakespeare and Michelangelo. … It is in this century misunderstood, so much misunderstood that it may be described as “Love that dare not speak its name,” and on account of it I am placed where I am now. It is beautiful, it is fine, it is the noblest form of affection. There is nothing unnatural about it. It is intellectual, and it repeatedly exists between an elder and a younger man, when the elder man has intellect and the younger man has all the joy, hope, and glamour of life before him. That it should be the world does not understand. The world mocks at it and sometimes puts one in the pillory for it.”-Oscar Wilde during his trial in 1895 for homosexuality
Step 5 focuses on developing strategies, which serve to answer the question: “How will an organization actually accomplish the work for which it seeks funding?” (51). The strategy section should discuss activities that need to be carried out to meet objectives, along with their start and end dates. It should also address the person/role that will be responsible for carrying out these duties and why the project is being completed in the way the organization proposed. Like the rest of the proposal, strategies should be realistic and not overpromise. The book specifically states that it is a good idea to include a timeline for each strategy. This chapter also included some tips that I found helpful, especially the tip about building activities/strategies on top of one another and the reiteration of being concise with funders about your strategy and nonprofit, as they may not be aware of everything. The last point that I found helpful was actually worksheet 5.1A. I think it helps nonprofits organize the activities, responsibilities, resources, and dates in a reasonable way. Personally, I tend to think about what resources a group may need and I realize that a resources category is often forgotten. Step 5’s main message is to be realistic and concise and to not leave out details while drafting. It’s important to make a clear and holistic strategy proposal that doesn’t overpromise or leave out important details, like responsibilities and resources.
Quotation: “You look exactly the same wonderful boy who, day after day, used to come down to my studio to sit for his picture. But you were simple, natural, and affectionate then. You were the most unspoiled creature in the whole world. Now, I don’t know what had come over you. You talk as if you had no heart, no pity in you. It is all Harry’s influence, I see that.” (Wilde, 122)
Comment: This quote comes from chapter 9 by Basil. He speaks to Dorian, who has undergone many changes in personality ever since he realized that his portrait would grow old instead of his physical body. This quotation made me think of Basil’s relationship with Dorian. The two start as friends, Basil stating that Dorian would make a wonderful model for a portrait. Through this, the two become closer and it seems that through painting his portrait, Basil has come to know Dorian better than he knows himself. While the sins and moral decline of Dorian are of his own accord, I can’t help but think of the saying “you can’t separate the art from the artist” or vice versa. If the first statement is true, that one can’t separate art from the artist, what does this mean for Basil and Harry? We, as readers, are led to believe that Basil is the “moral” one, almost like the angel on Dorian’s shoulder, while Harry acts as the devil on his shoulder. If Basil is the artist of Dorian’s portrait, his most innocent and moral version of himself, then does this mean that Harry is the artist of Dorian’s soul? Basil has captured the good in Dorian through the portrait, but shouldn’t that mean that the portrait would remain the same? I think originally this was the case, but once Harry began “painting” Dorian’s moral decline, the portrait changed to reflect not only Dorian (the art), but Harry (the artist) as well.
Question: I’m curious as to what would happen if Harry, the “evil” influence in Dorian’s life, was the one who painted the portrait and Basil, the “good” influence, was the one who spent more time with Dorian. Would the portrait stay the same while Dorian aged and showed his sins?
This story is about Hector and Carol, two friends who have feelings for one another, and their mysterious interaction with an extraterrestrial. I really enjoyed the description of the beach and the comic book that Carol has at the beginning. I think it really sets up the narrative that these characters are teenagers that are still figuring out the world. For me, your descriptions of the characters, their hobbies, and even the way you wrote your dialogue combines to create a sense of innocence throughout the story. Some may say that the subdued reactions of Hector and Carol during the unbelievable events are unrealistic, but I honestly think that it’s in character. I remember as a teenager, a lot of stuff happened that I shrugged off, and I feel that many teenagers have the same experiences of crazy, almost implausible events, but they just act like it’s a cool hour in their regular day. I would have enjoyed more regarding Aura. It seems as though they show up and then the story ends. As a reader, I had a lot of questions about the relationship between the three characters that I think you should answer to create a more well-rounded story. Overall, you did a great job!
This story is about a boy named Eren who strives to unite the world of creatures with the world of humans. He tries to accomplish his goal with his friend Dawn, Captain Kamado, and Professor Volkner. The story seems to take a huge inspiration from the Pokemon series. One of the aspects I appreciated was the characterization of Eren and Dawn, especially through their dialogue. Your voice is strong throughout the story, giving a sense of mysticism and casualness to the overall narrative. There were already a few comments about how your story may be too complex for the purposes of a short story, which I agree with. I feel as though I was missing out on crucial information regarding the village and the survey team. I also wish that Eren had more interactions within the community. It seems unlikely to me that the villagers would just accept someone who fell from the sky without some apprehension at first. The tension and mystery surrounding the creatures was also an aspect I enjoyed, but I feel like you take the mystery aspect too far. We barely get a chance to interact with these creatures outside of Regi, who is helpful. Maybe if you added a scene that demonstrates how the creatures can be harmful, it may add more tension and add stakes to why the survey team is needed. Overall, I think my main critique would be to add more detail about your world in certain places, especially when it comes to Eren and the creatures and maybe take out some scenes that hold back the “action” of the story.
Step 6 was about the evaluation of a proposal, specifically the evaluation of whether a program or proposal was successful. Rather than being an organization’s plan of how to use a grant provider’s gift, the evaluation serves as a justification or even a clarification of how and why an organization is helping a cause or community. One of the major things that I took away from this section was about why the evaluation process is important. Not only does it serve as justification/clarification for grant providers, but it can also help organizations and non-profits discern their strengths and weaknesses. There are different types of evaluation, such as external, internal, quantitative, and qualitative. External evaluation is when an outside source evaluates an organization, though this typically requires funding. Internal evaluation is when a board member or someone within the organization is in charge of evaluation. Quantitative evaluation relies on data analysis to determine if an organization’s goals were met. Qualitative evaluation relies less on numbers and more on the overall impact of the organization’s goals/programs on people involved. This can be done through observation, personal interviews, and anecdotes. This section really emphasized the importance of planning more than anything. An organization must plan out the evaluation process before they get to it, taking into account who will be evaluating and how they will be evaluating. As always, these components will help the planning process and build a stronger proposal.
