Quotation: “Don’t boast, but watch. Keep a guard over your eyes and ears as the inlets of your heart, and over your lips as the outlet, lest they betray you in a moment of unwariness. Receive, coldly and dispassionately, every attention, till you have ascertained and duly considered the worth of the aspirant; and let your affects be consequent up approbation alone. First study; then approve; then love.” (Bronte, 112)
Comment: This quote comes from a section where Helen’s aunt is discussing the prospect of marriage with her. The warnings Helen’s aunt gives may sound ominous and even absurd from a modern perspective, but I believe it’s a good example of the mindset of Victorian women. Based on the multiple laws outlined by Bodichon, we can see that marriage wasn’t simply a matter of love. Many women needed to weigh their marriage options based on their belongings, financial status, social status, and many other factors. In a society where most, if not all, of the women needed to find husbands, it was critical to find a partner that would let a woman retain some semblance of independence. This quote from Helen’s aunt is evidence of this. She tells Helen to be cold in order to protect herself and to love only when she is absolutely sure that the person is worthy of her. Of course, in later chapters, we see that even if someone were to follow this advice, it isn’t foolproof.
Question: This conversation between Helen and her aunt probably wasn’t a unique experience. Based on the nature of Bodichon’s summarization and remarks, I wonder how these conversations changed over time. Did women begin to have a more feminist approach to discussing marriage with each other? It also makes me wonder about how men discussed marriage. Based on the quote from Bronte, it seems like these conversations were prevalent for women, but were they as prevalent for men?
Maybe today’s discussion about Mrs. Markham’s sense of Gilbert’s prospects e.g., what he ought to look for or expect in a wife begin to address your last question. See also Arthur Huntingdon’s discussions with Lowborough (or his account of them to Helen in chap .22); there are assumptions here about what a wife brings to the union.