Simmer

What is it?

This is the story of a man that knows what and who he wants, but has to grapple with disappointment.

Likes:

I really loved this story. Your pacing, dialogue, and description felt fluid and natural. I especially appreciated the detail you included during cooking scenes. This alone made me feel really invested in the story. I also like how you intertwined Trevor’s main desires (getting the promotion and getting with Jack) in a way that made them create tension. Trevor wanted to be alone with Jack, but doing so would cause his work to suffer and therefore his promotion. I think you weave his inner turmoil very nicely.

Questions/Suggestions:

I don’t have much in the way of suggestions, but I’m a little confused as to why Trevor didn’t get the promotion. I might’ve missed that part, but was there a definite reason or was it just not the right time for him? I don’t think you need to answer this, but a few readers might appreciate some clarification. I’m also a little curious about how Trevor started cooking, but in terms of a short story, I don’t think we need to know. Overall, I think your story was crafted very well!

Despite it All

What is it?

This is the story of a woman who realizes that she’s only been surviving and not living.

Likes:

I really liked the voice in this story! Like your last story, I felt that your pacing and dialogue were fluid, but I felt that your voice was more prominent. I felt as though I knew Theodora. I also felt like the progression of the abusive relationship was realistic. Your choice to have their relationship start in college was a great choice, as both people are still young and figuring out their place in the world. This allows for Theodora to make a decision regarding her future without truly understanding what it entails early on. One thing that was small but really poignant was the inclusion of the concierge at the beginning. It was a subtle moment, initially leading the reader to think that it was just to show Preston’s character, but I really enjoyed how you brought him back at the end.

Questions/Suggestions:

I feel like I don’t have a lot of big questions/suggestions, but I would recommend thinking about where your story starts. Don’t get me wrong, I love your opening, but your story seems to be telling a lot without really showing. The reader gets a lot of background information, almost to the point where you forget that Preston and Theodora are having a confrontation. This could just be a personal preference in story-telling, so do what you think is best, but I think a few more interactions between Preston and Theodora in the now would help ground the story.