Short Story 1

What is it?

This is the story of a girl who hits a man with her car and has to deal with the consequences of her actions

Likes:

I like the voice of your narrator. It feels very personal and natural. I also appreciated the setup you had for your story, it definitely drew me in.

Questions/Suggestions

My main question centers around the motivation of the narrator. Why not just get the man to safety and help him? Why would she bury him in the forest? I also feel like the narrator didn’t change throughout the story. She doesn’t have to “face the music” and is instead berated by her mother for unrelated things. It just felt like there was a big disconnect between hitting the man with her car and the rest of the story. I’d really suggest thinking about where your “story” is. What I mean is where do you think the main problem/action is? What instances/people/events cause the character to change and how?

Short Story 2

What is it?

This is the story of a man who finally falls in love

Likes:

I liked how natural the relationship between Jay and his friends felt. It seemed like a friendship where most of them taunt each other, but they all tend to help out when things get rough. It was refreshing to see a friend dynamic handled like that. I also enjoyed the simple plot. I thought that you put just the right amount of moments in the narrative without it getting too complex. It’s a simple story about a guy and a girl going on a date, which I thought was a nice change of pace.

Questions/Suggestions:

There are some spots where the dialogue gets a little confusing/clunky. I would suggest reading these lines of dialogue out loud to see if you can make them sound a little more natural. I also felt like there was a lot of passive action. What I mean is that you tend to describe every little thing that Jay does, especially in the beginning. You could save a lot of space by saying that Jay sat at the bar and waited, instead of going into detail about which seat he chose and how the bartender walked away, etc. Other than that, you have a solid story!