Short Story 1

What is it?

This is the story of two friends who slowly figure out that they are what the other needs.

Likes:

I liked how this story was told in two different perspectives. It makes the story feel more fleshed out and realistic. I also like how you limited the story to just one moment within the two characters’ lives. The characters also felt very fleshed out with the detail in their backstories.

Questions/Suggestions:

I think your characters need to interact a little more. Each time the perspective shifts, it feels like a disconnect between the two, rather than one cohesive story. If you have more moments with them interacting, I think the story would have more depth. I also feel like we would understand Devyn and Winter’s personalities a little more.

Wrong Person, Right Time

What it is?

This is the story of a girl who meets the wrong person at the right time, and the right person at the wrong time.

Likes:

I like how you had an almost twist ending with Sophia going back to Asher. I feel like this is realistic in the sense that love is rarely neat and tidy, and people can break up and get back together in the future. I also enjoyed how you developed a friendship between Noah and Sophia and had the audience “rooting” for them. I think that the reasoning for Sophia wanting to end the relationship between her and Noah was believable, although simplistic (which isn’t a bad thing)

Questions/Suggestions:

My biggest suggestion would be to develop Asher and Sophia’s relationship. We, as the audience, never see Asher and only hear of him in passing. I think if you really want the readers to believe that Sophia misses him and truly believes that he was the right person, then we need to see Asher more. I also think that you need to drop in hints about Noah not being a great person. He’s fine throughout the entire story, but suddenly turns defensive and cruel through text. I think we need to see how complex Noah and Asher both are.