Short Story 1

What is it?

This is the story of memories and loving another during the hardest times.

Likes:

I loved this story. The characters felt realistic and complex, especially within their circumstances. You also have moments of chekov’s gun, one that comes to mind is the couple in the bar, and these moments pay off extremely well. I also felt like you didn’t focus so much on the wife’s illness, which to me, was a good thing. You give the audience enough contextual evidence to know that the wife is sick and that things won’t get better, so you move along with the story nicely.

Questions/Suggestions:

I’m not sure what to say in terms of questions or suggestions. I think you did a really nice job. I think, though, you should consider how your main character changes/evolves over the course of the story. I’m not sure if there’s a lot of evidence that shows that he’s grown and changed, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Again, it’s just a question to consider and not really a suggestion, because I really do think you did a great job.

Short Story 2

What is it?

This is the story about living and dying and realizing that they are both one in the same.

Likes:

I really enjoyed the ending. “Enjoyed” is a bad word, but typically I don’t care for stories that end with the narrator’s supposed death. I feel like you pulled it off without the stereotypical “…and then the world went black”. You write a sort of dignity and acceptance into Molly’s last scene and I thought it was really beautiful. I also enjoyed how you started the story. Your opening line is powerful and captivating, just like all opening lines should be. While the story did seem a little slow, I thought it was really well done how you included only one main point of tension/action. It made the story really feel like everything was leading up to that moment, which it was.

Questions/Suggestions:

I think my only question/suggestion would be to draw out the conversation between Molly and the other woman. There’s plenty of dialogue, but maybe if you added some description about how the woman looked and some of Molly’s internal feelings, the scene would be fleshed out more. Other than that, I think maybe a few scenes/pages can be more concise. I recommend going through and summarizing what happens on each page. This helps me cut down on my word/page count so I can flesh the important bits out more. Other than that, great work!