Short Story 1

What is it?

This is the story of a painter who finds inspiration in a mysterious woman and a small, lost child

Likes:

I really enjoyed the amount of detail within your story. The beginning of your story really focuses on the woman and her body language, showing either anger, frustrations, and anxiety. You did this really well, especially when you consider that the reader doesn’t understand the cause of the woman’s distress. I also like how you introduced Mia. It was very sudden, putting the main character and the reader in the same position. We are instantly inundated with questions, which creates more tension in the story.

Questions/Suggestions:

I think one of my main questions was about how Mia got lost in the first place. Honestly, I’m not sure if you need to address this, but I am curious. The other main question I had was about Derrek. How did he start painting? Why was he in the park? Is there something about that park that makes him want to paint? There’s a lot of potential to create more tension based on Derrek’s backstory. If you create a meaning behind the place and give Derrek a greater motivation, I think the reader would connect to him just a bit more.

Closure

What is it?

This is the story of grief and acceptance.

Likes:

I like the relationship that you describe between the main character and her husband. Your descriptions of grief, especially the physical reaction your narrator has when arriving home, are very well done. You have a lot of very moving sentences and your prose is great!

Questions/Suggestions:

It seems like the majority of your story takes place as a flashback, so maybe that’s actually where your story starts. What if you pulled the reader along on this relationship, only to end with the suicide note and the woman’s acceptance? I think you should really consider what story you’d like to tell and where you think it begins. Other than that, well done!