Short Story 1

What is it?

This is the story of a man grappling with his traumatic childhood and discovering gruesome truths in the process.

Likes:

You described the horrific aspects of your story really well! The description of the main character’s hand being melted off on page 5 was especially well done! Your twist ending was also well done! I really enjoyed the main character failing for once and how you made the monster take over. The last line “I was here to stay” was really impactful and I feel like it really made the story.

Questions/Suggestions:

I know that this story is more of a horror/mystery, but I feel like I have a lot of questions still. Why didn’t their mom take the children when she left? Why did the main character have a dream-like sequence in the middle of the chase scene? Obviously, some of these questions don’t have an answer just based on the nature of the story, but I feel like the reader lacks some kind of grounding before you fling them into the weird and wild. I think that if you focus more on the psychological horror aspects, you can fit a lot of the main character’s backstory throughout the narrative, instead of just in the first couple pages.

Frames

What is it?

This is the story about how someone’s passion and legacy transcend death.

Likes:

I liked the dialogue and your choices of setting for multiple parts of the story. The scene where the two characters meet in a movie theater was really well done, and I also like how you gave Jaime a smoking habit, something that the reader can connect her cancer to. The vices you give the characters make them feel like real people.

Questions/Suggestions:

My biggest questions surround the ending. I feel like I almost forgot about the deal Jaime and Will made about the movie, and once the ending happened, I was thrown for a loop. I think you have a lot of ideas going on with this story, but it might be better to stick to one train of thought instead of merging them. It could just be me, but I felt very confused as a reader. I also thought that some of the events were a little random, like the truck crashing into the building.