I think some of the biggest revisions I can make with the second set of pages would be on pacing and character. When it comes to character, I need to revise some aspects of Abel’s dialogue/inner monologue just to make sure it fits, but I also need to heighten the tension between Abel and his parents. One way is to develop Abel’s competency/incompetency when it comes to working at the escape room or just being an adult in general. I should also revise the ending of the scene on page 6, just so Abel has a more immediate consequence to his actions (or rather, Caim’s actions). The clean up scene between Calliope and Abel slows the story down, so I need to make sure that the plot keeps moving. It needs to be compacted, but I’m still trying to figure out how to move the story along without sacrificing Calliope’s role within the story. I also just need to get to the library quicker, as it tends to linger on smaller, insignificant details. It seems like these pages have a good idea of where they’re going, but they just need to be refined in smaller, more details ways.