Two Opposing Magnets

What is it?

This is the story of a girl who finally confronts a previous partner, but never gets the answers to her questions.

Likes:

I like the twist at the end where it’s revealed that the whole confrontation was in her mind. I especially like how you revealed it. You literally had someone push Josie out of her own thoughts. Your dialogue was also well-written and flowed.

Questions/Suggestions:

I think one of my biggest questions was just about Tucker’s side of the story and his motivations. What made him decide to change? How did he go from being a great friend to an asshole? I feel like the reader misses out on a lot of Tucker’s character development.

Story #2

What is it?

This is the story of a girl who meets a stranger after an accident

Likes:

Your dialogue felt natural and the connection between your two main characters was a central point within the story. I liked how you focused on that relationship rather than on the accident that brought them together.

Questions/Suggestions:

I think my biggest suggestion was to show rather than tell. There’s a lot of dialogue where it feels like Jasper over explains things (like her phone being dead). I think adding more of Maisie’s inner thoughts and feelings would help flesh out the story more. I would’ve also like some development on the relationship between Maisie and her mother, as it seems like that’s a major point of tension within the story.