Short Story #1

What is it?

This is the story of two people who meet and bond through very strange circumstances

Likes:

Description was definitely a highlight in this story! I mentioned this during class, but the way you write sounds and silent moments were great! The little things you’re able to describe really give the story another layer of life, especially in a setting that wouldn’t have much in the way of spectacular scenery. Another thing I liked was your characterization. Q and Sunny feel and read like two distinct people, but Sunny lives up to their name.

Questions/Suggestions:

I was really curious about Sunny’s backstory, as well as the relationship between Q and their mom. You have some really wonderful moments where Q and Sunny open up to each other, but it always felt too short. I think you have these two lonely and open characters, and while I love the moments you have with them, I think creating more genuine and “heavy” moments between the two of them would create a larger depth (no pun intended) in your story.

Girlfriends

What is it?

This is the story of loss and surviving despite heartbreak.

Likes:

I really liked how you characterized the relationship between your characters. Within the first page, the reader definitely gets a sense of how close they both are to each other just based on their actions. I also really appreciated the dialogue and how the serious moments are underlined with a sense of humor.

Questions/Suggestions:

My biggest suggestion would be to expand upon how the main character feels about her roommate leaving, as well as how she feels about essentially being mislead for an entire semester. I feel like most people would be really angry and upset, but it seems like your character is more understanding. If you want to keep the empathy of your character, then really try to highlight just how your character is rationalizing her roommate’s departure.