Gravity is Greedy

What is it?

This is the story of a person overcoming their fears and their troublesome history

Likes:

Your description is amazing! I think you did a wonderful job of painting a setting for the reader. One of my favorite things about this story is how we’re constantly in Nina’s mind, save for a few scenes where she speaks to her friends. The reader really gets a sense of who Nina is, despite the fact that we only see from her perspective.

Questions/Suggestions:

I really love this story and think you did an amazing job, but I wonder about how much room it takes. Nine pages is definitely not a lot, but I worry that other readers may feel as though the story is drawn out. Again, I don’t necessarily agree with the suggestion I’m giving you, because I’m honestly a little stumped on what to say because you did a great job. I would look at some of your paragraphs and see if you could consolidate some of them into one “scene”. I guess one question I do have is why the place is so important for the characters. It’s the last day of summer, so why are they spending it near a bridge? Again, these are small suggestions/questions because I genuinely don’t know what to say.

Be More Like Pistachios

What is it?

This is the story of a girl dealing with the guilt and grief of losing her only friend

Likes:

I liked how you set the story up in the beginning, especially through Mrs. Web’s comments about Addie not having friends. I think your intro really pulls the reader in. I also liked how natural the flashback sequences were and the genuine relationship you create between Addie and Heather. The dialogue is meaningful and smooth during these sequences, along with the rest of the story, but I feel as though the dialogue in the flashbacks hold a little more weight.

Questions/Suggestions:

I found that I was a little confused about the ages of Addie and Heather during the flashback sequences. I don’t think it’s a big deal, but maybe adding some indication of their ages might help. Sometimes the dialogue/vocabulary felt a little too old or young and I was having trouble placing it. The next comment is a bit of a stretch, so take it with a grain of salt. I would consider what story you’d like to tell. It feels like the bulk of your story is within the flashbacks, and it seems like you’re more interested in building up the relationship between the friends. Consider how powerful/devastating it’d be if the story ended with the accident and Addie’s possession of Pistachio.