Atlas

What is it?

This is the story of a person lost in space who is desperately trying to find their way home.

Likes:

Your dialogue and the inner monologue of Alex is done really well! I loved the banter between Alex and Percy. Your pacing was also done well. The story never seemed to drag on or feel too slow for me. I think the way you go through Alex’s day to day life definitely adds to the tension you build throughout the story.

Questions/Suggestions:

My biggest questions focus on each characters’ backstory. Who is Percy? Why would Alex think of them as they slowly start to lose it? What did Alex do back on Earth? I think one of the biggest suggestions is to not only expand upon the the characters you have, but to also expand upon their motivations. What exactly is going on with the sun? I think that the confusion surrounding that point kind of takes readers out of your story.

Second Intention

What is it?

This is the story of two rivals who realize how much they appreciate the other after being apart.

Likes:

I really enjoyed the “enemies to friends (to lovers??)” trope you have going on. Jonathan and Finn’s rivalry seems genuine, shown mostly through their dialogue. I also thought it was a great idea to separate them, as their inner dialogue really shows just how much they miss the other. Your characterization was well done!

Questions/Suggestions:

I think my biggest suggestions are about Finn’s character and the accident. I was a little confused about why Finn would ask Jonathan to dance, especially given the fact that you set up an intense rivalry before that point. I think if you make it forced, like all the dance partners were taken so Finn and Jonathan had no one else, it would be a little more believable. I would also consider what Finn’s motivations are for that scene, as well as the purpose of the scene in general. Regarding the fire, I was a little thrown off by how sudden it was, but at the same time, fires are sudden events. I’m not quite sure how to make it flow a bit better, but personally I was thrown off guard by that.