This is the story of a woman caught in the middle of a robbery and a man willing to do whatever it takes for his daughter. I really enjoyed this story, especially your characterization. Claire’s motives never feel unrealistic. She’s a woman who seems to have really prepared herself mentally for a date, only for her planning to go to waste. I feel like most people would say that focusing on a ‘little’ thing like that during a robbery is unrealistic, but I’d disagree. I think, especially in a jarring situation like that, someone would really think about how their day is going to shit. Along with characters, I really enjoyed Sean’s character. At first, he has this hard/crime-boss persona, but once his plot develops, he is actually very family motivated and calm. I did like the dual stories of Claire and Sean, but (moving into the realm of critiques) I wonder how their stories really intertwine. Your characters inhabit the same space but don’t interact or have any similar motivations. Because of this, I was personally more attached to Sean’s story than Claire. I think the core of your story lies in Sean’s desperation and the struggle of him coming to terms that he’s done something wrong. The scene between Sean and the cop was really well written and I would’ve liked to see more of it. Maybe you can intertwine Claire and Sean’s stories by having Claire be a bigger part of the robbery-maybe as a hostage held at gun-point. The dynamic between smaller problems like dating versus a larger problem like saving a dying daughter would be really interesting to explore. Other than that, I liked your story and think you did a wonderful job!