This is the story about a group of superheroes that turn out to be less than super. First, regarding your comment at the beginning of the story, I’m really glad that you had the confidence to try something out of your comfort zone! It’s hard to write something that isn’t exactly your style and harder still to share it with others, so kudos to you. There are a lot of things that I liked about your story, mainly Unknown’s voice. The cynicism and sarcasm that Unknown brought to the story was refreshing, especially in terms of superhero genres. Most of the time, everyone is so in awe of heroes that they overlook their flaws, but Unknown gives us a nitty-gritty perspective. She straight up tells us that these guys are too flashy and basically have little care about what happens to regular people. I also liked how your world was fleshed out through differing superhero “departments”. It was a fun reversal of superheroes working together all the time. The Guardians of Defense seemed to be more down to earth and critical of the Denver Defenders, and it made me laugh to hear that they all called Magnificent the flying brick. These little details and points of contention really make your world feel alive. The plot twist at the end was also really cool. I didn’t think that the mayor was really in on the conspiracy to expose the Defenders. Little twists like this are so powerful in short stories, especially since we have limited time. A few suggestions: Throughout the story, Unknown is incredibly critical and almost mean to the Defenders, yet she shows soft spots for them. I feel like we need a scene of connection between her and the other heroes, because it just feels like her change of heart comes from nowhere. I hate to say this, but I also feel like your story suffers from one too many characters. I like the idea of the Defenders being this tight-knit group, but between them all, I feel like your reader isn’t able to fully connect with any of them because you’re trying to balance the amount of time each character has within the narrative. Maybe if Unknown worked with only one or two of them, the reader could see a greater connection between them, which could explain her change of heart at the end. I was also interested in who the villain was. What were their motivations? Why did they want to expose the Defenders so badly? Why did the mayor even agree to stage a kidnapping with the villain? There’s so many questions I have (that don’t necessarily need to be answered), but maybe if you fleshed out the motivation behind the villain, the reader could fill in some of the mysteries that you intentionally left. Overall, I really enjoyed your story and I thought you did a great job, despite this genre being out of your comfort zone!
Leave a Reply