This is the story of a college student who starts his last year while at his lowest point. Chance encounters with two other students bring his life back around. I enjoyed this story! The overall message of friendships and connection were really sweet and it was something that I was definitely able to relate to. Your voice is something that you did very well with, in this story and your last one. It takes a while for writers to develop their own personal style of voice, but it seems like you have a good sense of what you want your stories to sound like. You also do very well with writing in first person. Your stories, especially in this one, rely particularly on the thoughts and feelings of your main character, which give it the feeling of a coming of age story. The first paragraph of your story also implies that your main character is on the verge of a burnout, which I feel is pretty common in college students. The little details that you sprinkle in through thoughts, feelings, and dialogue help make your story come to life in the best ways. A few suggestions: I understand that you want to make the professor a relatable teacher and mentor to Derek, but I feel like the relationship was a bit rushed. I don’t think a lot of professors would be thrilled to see a student trying to pick up girls in their class, but that’s just me. I really enjoyed the dynamic between Derek and Marcus, but I think it would be better for them to start as friends before the story. That way, you aren’t bogged down by an introduction of the two, which gives you more room to explore their relationship and dynamics. I would have liked to see the date between Derek and Anna play out, but at the same time, I liked how you ended your story with the lyrics and the uncertainty of how the relationship was going to play out. Last thing I would suggest is discussing Derek’s feelings in the beginning. Dedicating a whole paragraph to how desperate and lonely he feels is pretty important, but I feel like we lose those feelings throughout the story. While friends and connections with people help, I want to know why Derek’s connections with Marcus, Anna, and Camilla brought him back from his dark, pessimistic feelings. Overall, great job!
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