Team A:

  • While it’s great to repeat the name of your program, I feel like it’s a bit of overkill to repeat “Sexualized Stigmas” for each quantitative bullet. For me, it really pulls the reader out of what you’re saying.
  • I like how your beginning blurb tells the reader how many goals and objectives there are, as well as the timeframe. This allows you to not have to repeat any of that information within the list.
  • For your last bulletpoint, I’d consider adding just a little clarity to what information you’re sending out in the pamphlets. Are the pamphlets a one-time thing, or are you sending them out monthly?
  • Your qualitative section has a great opening! A little bit of fluff is great to pull at investors’ heart strings
  • For #1 of your qualitative section, I’d clarify what “regularly” means. Is it weekly? Monthly? I like the idea that you’re not only focusing on outside perspectives, but you want to stress that your volunteers and staff have input.
  • #2 seems a little vague. How will you connect to them? Email? Phone calls? What will be discussed besides how they are feeling?
  • #3 could be fleshed out a little more. Just observing how students react might not be the best way. Maybe give them an ungraded quiz to see how much they are retaining as well as a little check-in to see how they’re doing might be a good idea.
  • Overall, you guys did a good job! I think you just need to clarify a few things and change the sexualized stigmas repetition, and then you’ll be golden!

Team E:

  • Your beginning statement of why your workshops need to be evaluated individually sounds great! It doesn’t go too much into detail, but it gives enough for the investor to follow.
  • Overall, your bullet points seem a little flat. What I mean is that you give us a lot of your goals, which is great, but how are you going to evaluate the success of each point?
  • For the first point, I think a good way to evaluate the program’s success would be to set each participant on a budget and do weekly/monthly check in’s to see if they stay on budget, taking into account emergencies, etc. Obviously, finances are private for most people, so if you can find a way to check in with each participant without invading their privacy, I think it could be a good way to evaluate the success of the financial literacy workshop.
  • The cultural adjustment workshop also needs a way to evaluate success. Maybe you could have an “interview” with each participant when they reach the recovery stage and adjustment stage to see how they’re feeling. After the participants go through the program, you could send a survey out about a month after and ask how they felt the program prepared them.
  • Job Acquisition is an easy thing to evaluate, so putting a blurb about connecting with participants and asking them how their job is going/if they needed a new job, etc., would be good.
  • I think that your paragraph after the bullet points should be moved before the list. It gives the reader some information and may answer some of their questions they have while reading your list.
  • Your qualitative section is really great! I think there’s some room for wordsmithing, but other than that you did a great job.