This is the story of a woman being kidnapped from one horror story to another. You write horror stories so well Eve! Your descriptions of the blood and gore, especially near the middle and end, are really well done. It’s cliche to say this, but I could really see the blood smeared around the car and the other “prey” woman covered in wounds. Through a first read, I was very confused about the beginning with Tabitha going in and out of consciousness, but the more I think about it, the more I like that aspect of being almost drugged along with Tabitha. She doesn’t know what’s going on, and honestly, neither does the character. The whole act of the kidnapping isn’t the main focus of the story, and I think you made a good decision in making it vague to push the plot forward. That being said, I think there are a few places in the beginning where you could be a little more descriptive, because to a general reader, the whole vagueness of the situation may turn them off to the story. While I did enjoy your story, I had a few problems to Sol’s motivations. You have Sol tell us that they’re disillusioned with life and have begun to feel so numb to everything, but why do they believe Tabitha can solve their problems? Think about a character completely different to her, and then ask if that character would have the same impact on Sol as Tabitha does. I hate to say this, but it seems that Sol only seems to like Tabitha because of what she’s gone through rather than who she is. Don’t get me wrong, I already love these characters, so these are just a few questions I had about them because I’m interested in how they can be further developed. I really enjoyed Tabitha’s ending line of “Tell me how I can get a set of fangs like that”, and up until this point, the reader understands that she’s always held back from taking a stand against Xavier’s abuse out of a hope that he’d change. Again, I love this ending, but I think it comes off a little abruptly as Tabitha’s character has been more of a static character until that point. Maybe if you add some of her thoughts during the fight between vampires, you can add a sort of “snapping” moment where she realizes that she’s done with all the bullshit she’s gone through, which would lead her to wanting to become more powerful as a vampire. Overall, great story Eve! You should be super proud!
Leave a Reply