END COMMENTS: What is it?  What’s working? What questions the piece raises? What suggestions do you have for the writer?

This story, to me at least, focuses on the illusion of appearance. Heather is feminine, yet confident and sometimes unemotional while Billy has a hulking and intimidating frame, yet he’s a matter-of-fact and anxious person. It’s clear that your story knows what it is just through the framing and voice of your narration, even though there are some instances where it may stumble. Regarding what works, I think you have natural dialogue. The interactions between Heather and Billy don’t seem forced, even if they are tense at the beginning. You also sprinkle bits of your characters into dialogue. Heather’s dialogue is to the point, as she focuses on what she wants and ignores practically everything else. Billy’s dialogue, on the other hand, is slower and casual. It’s a refreshing combination that works well together. Another aspect that works well in your story is the foreshadowing elements. They weave seamlessly into the narrative that it feels as though the audience just glanced at the TV for a moment, and then is right back in the action. It was also really satisfying to see it all tie together at the end. There were a few questions I had regarding the story, mainly about Billy. Why had it taken him so long to talk about the murder of Bennie and George? Also, if Billy, George, and Bennie were so close, then how come Billy doesn’t know what the DA had on Bennie? Heather also has a reputation that Billy knows about, but what kind of reputation is that? I don’t think the audience necessarily needs to know, but I was just curious. The ending does leave some questions about how and if Heather succeeds, but the beauty in your ending is that it leaves it up to the audience. There are a few suggestions I have. There are a few places where it seems like you could slow down, like the scene where Billy reveals his identity. Heather seems to recover from the reveal rather quickly, but it may be interesting to see how she reacts and if there are any exploits she may know him from. There are also a few word choices that may need to be reconsidered to see if they’re the best fit, but that’s not something you should worry too much about. It’s also a small thing, but for some reason it was bothering me. Billy says “Hmph” a lot during the story and it kind of put me off. It’s up to you and it may just be a preference, but consider taking some of them out. A last thing to consider would be to add some insight on how Heather sees Ted Johnson at the end. She seemingly goes to “take down a politician”, but without any proof, what exactly is her motivation? Overall, you have a strong story and I really enjoyed it!